I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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