I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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