he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
