Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Randomize
