My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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