Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
