My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
