is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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