sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Did I show you my penis last night?
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
