i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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