For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Randomize
