Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
