I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
