You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
