She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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