I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Randomize
