that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
