how can u be prego again
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
