You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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