Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
