I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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