all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
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