i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Randomize
