Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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