I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Randomize
