Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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