Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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