there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
