i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
