I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
