Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
