Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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