Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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