i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
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