"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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