why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
