Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Randomize
