Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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