I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
