My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Randomize