I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
