I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
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