If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
