Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
