where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
two words: eviction party
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
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