just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
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