we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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