Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
