Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
