oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
