New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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