Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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