my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
