Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
