do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
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