so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
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dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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