There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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