yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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