why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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