There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
