Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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