You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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