have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
