it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
