Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
