Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
