dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Randomize