Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Randomize
