my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
