He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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