So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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