this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
