life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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