Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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