Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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