I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
