I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Randomize
