there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
